THE INTERVENTION OF KINDNESS IN A DISQUIETED WORLD
A story is told from the early centuries of Christian monasticism in the Egyptian desert. Some monks came to counsel with Abba Poemen, asking him, “Tell us, when we see brothers dozing during the Sacred Office, should we pinch them so they will stay awake?” The Abba said to them, “Actually, if I saw a brother sleeping, I would put his head on my knees and let him rest.” This is an act of kindness. Kindness is the melding of compassion, generosity, and dignity.
Compassion informed Jesus. The prevailing reason why Jesus said what he said and did what he did was tender loving mercy, which is compassion: suffering with another because we belong to one another. Whether to the lame or lost, to the pompous or to paupers, Jesus was compassionate.[1] Most people most of the time are doing the best they can … which is sometimes quite tragic, even deplorable. We read in the psalms, “The Lord is full of compassion and mercy, slow to anger and of great kindness” (Psalm 103:8).
Generosity presumes life to be a gift, not a given. We participate in life on God’s terms by cherishing the gifts of life, not clinging to them, not hoarding, but sharing from God’s bounty entrusted to us. There is always more. Our generosity enables others to know life as a gift, and invites others to live life thankfully. Gratitude transforms life; generosity enables it.
Once Abba Anthony was relaxing with his disciples outside his hut when a hunter came by. The hunter was surprised and mildly shocked. He rebuked Anthony for taking it easy. This was not the hunter’s idea of what a monk should be doing! Anthony responded, “Bend your bow and shoot an arrow.” And the hunter did so. “Bend it again and shoot another,” said Anthony. And the hunter did so, again and again. The hunter finally said, “Abba Anthony, if I keep my bow always stretched, it will break.” “So it is with the monk,” replied Anthony. “If we push ourselves beyond measure we will break; it is right from time to time to relax our efforts.”
Dignity bequeaths worth to others. So many people live their lives with deafening words of criticism, inadequacy, and fear which may echo from their childhoods. They will collude with this indignity unless there is an intervention. For many people, we must give them dignity before there is dignity in them to respect.
Kindness is the melding of compassion, generosity, and dignity. The English word “kind” comes from the same etymological root as “kin.” We are to live kindly with one another because we belong to one another. We are humankind. Living kindly goes without saying for those whom we cherish, identify with, and feel a sense of belonging. However, if we read the scriptures forensically, we see how kindness redresses how we could otherwise deport ourselves in the presence of those who are different—because of their culture or race, religion, class, education, sexual orientation, or age—or different because of their hopes or values. In the letter to the Colossians we read, “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” (Colossians 3:12).
In the Hebrew scriptures, we read one time, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”; however, we read in 36 places to “love the stranger.”[2] Jesus magnifies this, and he does not exclude anyone, even those who may be most despicable to us. Jesus’ kindness is remembered in the Greek as philoxenia, which is “the love of strangers.” Philoxenia is the opposite of xenophobia, which is the fear or hatred of strangers, the discrimination against strangers. Philoxenia, the love of strangers, becomes the New Testament norm for sharing life, living kindly with one another. We read in the Letter to the Hebrews: “Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:1–2). Philoxenia, not xenophobia. Kindness breaks down what Saint Paul calls “the wall of hostility” that otherwise is easily constructed between ourselves and “others” (Ephesians 2:14).
The New Testament word for kindness (χρηστότης) is defined as compassion, love, full of tenderness, gentleness, goodness. Kindness is described as one of the “fruits of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22). Here are some practices to cultivate the fruit of kindness:
Draw on your miracle memory. Reflect on where you were on the receiving end of kindness. Who was kind to you, and why did that make such a difference? Embrace the kindness. It is never too late to be thankful for another’s intervention of kindness in your life.
Be compassionate toward yourself. You are an amazing person; you are also a mixed bag and, some days, a mess. An early desert monastic, Abba Mateos, said, “the nearer we draw to God, the more we see ourselves as sinners.” Don’t let this awareness imprison you; let it liberate you, because God knows you and loves you. You need to be saved from yourself every day. Surrender feigning to be your own god. Jesus is your savior, your friend. Befriend yourself. Practicing this will make a world of difference to you and to others. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Don’t restrict. Deport yourself with kindness in the face of every living creature, toward the flowers and crops, and trees, to the air and water. We are living in a time where so many of our values and certainties are being deconstructed. We know too much, and we know too little. How then shall we live? Live kindly. St. Isaac of Syria, said “Let your heart burn with love for the whole of creation: for humankind, for the birds, for the beasts, for every creature.”
Don’t wait. We only have now. Don’t wait to reciprocate kindness. Initiate kindness. If you are living kindly, you won’t be “on the take” for kindness, expecting it, demanding it, resenting when it doesn’t appear. Oftentimes it doesn’t. Living kindly generates kindness. You simply cannot give it away. There is always more. Live kindly, and you will have enough kindness in your heart so as not to be endlessly shopping for others’ kindness. If you are out of practice with kindness, cultivating kindness is like any other practice, e.g., learning a sport, or foreign language, or craft, or playing a musical instrument. The words “kind” and “kindle” are cousins. Practice kindness and you will teem with kindness.
A brother asked Abba Pimenion, “How should we practice life?” And the old man said, “To live ever in loving kindness and in humbleness, and to do good to one’s neighbor.” Kindness is the melding of compassion, generosity, and dignity. Kindness is of our God-created essence, a treasure waiting to be mined and shared.
“What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)
[1] See, e.g., Matthew 6:25–34, 9:36, 14:14, 20:34; Mark 1:41, 4:40, 5:36, 6:34, 8:2f, 12:41-44; Luke 7:13, 10:41.
[2] See, e.g., Exodus 22:21, 23:9; Leviticus 19:33–34.
