EMBRACE THE MYSTERY OF GOD AND YOURSELF

I’m called to a very specific ministry, which is reflection and support at the intersection of sobriety and spirituality.  Today, I’m sharing about what supported me spiritually as I became sober-curious, or what I wish had supported me.  I call on these experiences as encouragement to this day, and I specifically hope it will help those who are just beginning to think about sobriety through the lens of spirituality.

Embrace the mystery of God and yourself.
I couldn’t be a Christian, and especially a priest, without mystery.  Sobriety only ushered me further into the mystery of God, and most surprisingly, the unfolding mystery of myself. I knew God was complex; I had accepted that God is as ever changing in revelation as God is never changing in love.  What I had not yet reckoned with is this: I am also ever and never changing.  There are parts of me that, through the brightened gaze of sobriety, have changed, taken on new color, new shape, new form.  And there are parts of me that have been proven true through the clarity of removing the substance that promised to always muddy the waters of who I am.  So, maybe first and most importantly, try to imagine that God is never changing in love for you and ever changing in revelation for your life.

Give your body your attention.
One of my most dearly held beliefs is in the incarnation: the belief that God found bodies to be so, so precious that God took on a body.  Ironically, sobriety gave me a deeper awareness of my mortality.  This may sound dire, but it was a welcomed gift, as I began to understand my life with significantly more gratitude for the present moment.  The embodied life ends, making connection to our bodies something that we, too, can hold precious.  I encourage you, if you’re beginning this work, to give your body your attention.  Our bodies contain different colors, flexes, curves, and the purpose of this is just to learn about yours.  When I got sober, I found that my relationship with my body changed dramatically, mostly because I felt fully inside of it.  Drinking became my primary way to disassociate; sobriety was a stark reassociation with my limbs.  Give your body a chance to share its wisdom, because bodies were created with wisdom worth following.

You are in the already and not yet.
I remember how revolutionary the concept of “already and not yet” was for me in seminary. It put some words around the weird push and pull I felt about the mixture of being currently alive and also eternally alive.  The language we’ve used in the Church is that we are in the “already and not yet,” which is a perfect way to envision sobriety.  Sobriety is the ultimate already and not yet, as it is the sifting of breath between lungs as you read an article, as much as it is who you are still becoming, who God is still creating, who might surprise you years from now when you look back to the one reading today.  If you begin to worry about the passing of time, how time isn’t working out for you quite like you planned, I encourage you to remember you are in the already and not yet.

As much as you can, disconnect this from morality and shame.
I spent the better part of a year looking at sober accounts on Instagram, but I would be very careful to make sure I did not accidentally like any of the posts.  I would not follow any of the voices that were so important to me, because I was afraid someone would find out I was considering getting sober.  I had a narrative in my head that quitting drinking was shameful, that it meant I “had a problem.”  Y’all being alive is a problem.  We literally all have problems.  Alcohol only gave me more problems, more pains, more challenges.  By being sober, I don’t have a problem, I have a way to be alive that leads me into my greatest joys.  I have an awareness of the world that is born out of love of God and self.  I have been resurrected, so I feel more confidently able to face all the problems, pains, and challenges.  As much as you can, disconnect this exploration from morality and shame.  This is not about being a good or bad person, this is about coping with the inevitabilities of being alive, always secure in the love of God.

Pray specifically about your relationship with alcohol.
There is no bar for success on prayer.  One of my favorite Christians (AND a sober hero) Anne Lamott wrote a book titled, Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers and I believe she was right. You don’t have to write a memoir, though I know God would read every word every day for eternity because that’s how much God delights in how you are doing.  But you don’t have to do that.  Offer God a space in your life to talk about your Help, Thanks, and Wow, whether it is 5 deep breaths or a journal.  In that space, make “Help” your drinking.  Let that be enough.

I know you are like, “Coolcoolcoolcool, BUT WHAT DO I DO?”
Reflection is hard and all I have told you to do so far is reflect. In my defense, REFLECTION IS A BIG PART OF IT, lol, but I also know that if someone was like, “you just need to think more and have more feelings,” I would probably still be drinking.  So, here are some brass tacks suggestions… 

Yes, you can read some books.
Once during spiritual direction I asked for homework, because hi, I am me. My spiritual director told me to sit in silence for 5 minutes every day. I was mortified; I wanted a syllabus.  But she was right.  What I needed was silence, listening, a space filled by something other than my pursuit of distraction.  So I didn’t start with books, as a reminder that you cannot read yourself into healing (which broke my heart).  However (and it is an important however) resources can give you tools for healing, and by reading them you are showing up for yourself in an act of self-love that is really beautiful.  Opening up a book about sobriety and being willing to place your eyes on its words is an act of vulnerability that I know intimately.

This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life by Annie Grace

This is the first soberish book I read. I got it on Kindle so I could read it on my phone without anyone being able to see I was reading a book about sobriety. I encourage you to get this and read it however secretly you want to, as is helpful for you. <3

Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker

This book had not been written when I got sober, but I followed Holly’s words and wisdom so much so that I now work for the digital recovery company she started, Tempest.*** And it is not just for women! It is for anyone who is trying to change their narrative around alcohol, personally and in other discourses. 

(You might be thinking, “Only 2?  I thought she was a book person.”  I am only sharing 2, because I encourage you to pace yourself.  I, being extremely me, bought 20 books and felt incredibly overwhelmed. There are some I still have not read.  I suggest you get one book, finish it, then get the next. Not only will it maybe help your budget and local library staff, it will also create some accountability in finishing what you start.  Or get bajillions of books and let them also be a bedside table. You have agency and can decide this for yourself.)

Follow sober social media accounts (even if you don’t actually smash that follow button).
This might sound silly, but some of the most solidifying moments along my path to choosing sobriety came through memes or posts from people putting words to the meanderings of my heart, mind, and soul.  Sober curiosity, sobriety, and any level of care for yourself around conditions that have been stigmatized can feel incredibly lonely.  By following people who talked about their sobriety, I was able to begin talking about mine with less shame.  I would not be able to share any of this with you if other people had not been willing to share themselves with me.  Follow sober socials.  Begin to normalize sobriety.  Remember you are not alone.  (My recommendations for who to follow: @holly @jointempest @thetemper @sarcasticlutheran @annelamott @unexpectedjoyof @thisnakedmind) 

If you have read this far, I’d like to offer a prayer for you.  You can pray this whenever, but I encourage you to also pray it now. Gracious God, Thank you for opening me up to the unfolding mystery of yourself, and the mystery I contain by virtue of your love for me.  Lead me into a future unknown to me, yet crafted by you.  Help me to entrust my wanderings into your care.  Make me ever mindful of your promise to never leave or forsake me.  I ask all these things out of gratitude for the gift of breath you have given me.  Amen.

***Just a note that I do work for Tempest, but I recommend Tempest so heavily because it is the community where I got sober. I was a made-it-to-2-months-again-trying-to-stay-sober person looking for hope first, employee later.  So, I don’t link them because of any contractual obligation… I share resources from Holly & Tempest, because they created the space where I was able to quit drinking. 

This post has been cross-posted from my website, www.erinjeanwarde.com. I’ll be going more into detail about these perspectives on my blog over time.  If something comes up and you need prayerful support, I encourage you to reach out and let me know.  If possible, I can write a resource for you and then make it available on my blog to support you and others.