A HOST’S GUIDE TO RECOVERING FROM HOSTING TOO MUCH
Photo courtesy of the Rev. Joseph Peters-Matthews.
The Magi have arrived, the Star has risen and settled, OLJC (Our Lord Jesus Christ) has been baptized, the receptions are over, and the secular world has gotten back to business as usual. Thank God — all three Persons.
It’s been a long time, this last month. If you’re a good Southern hostess (even if you’re not Southern and regardless of your gender) more people have come through your doors since the Last Sunday after Pentecost (“Christ the King”) than the rest of the year combined. If you’re part of a group, you’ve had them over — from vestry to Rotary: they’ve all been to your home.
They haven’t just visited you, either. You’ve gone through two cases of your house red (or equally attractive non-alcoholic beverage) giving it as a hosting gift. Not that there is any kind of quid pro quo for attendance, but you do want people to show up… and you can’t show up empty handed, regardless of what their invitation said or how many times they said to only bring a smile. Three parties a night, two nights a weekend, for the last month, and you’re worn out! You’ve not only had your holiday party, but just dinners with friends. You love to cook and you’re good at it! Of course Ben can come over on Thursday.
But now, there’s nothing on the horizon. Oh, blessed ordinary time. How will you recharge? Here are just a few ideas and tips for finding balance again.
Take a break. Get far away from the people you love dearly (maybe including your immediate family). This can be at a cabin in the woods by yourself to read or a trip somewhere to be pampered. Go somewhere you can’t host. Maybe you pretend to be an introvert for a weekend and let your family fend for itself. Maybe you leave your precious angel child with your inlaws while you enjoy a week off with your spouse. And if you’re single? Run away. Don’t tell anyone you’re going, just go. Work will be there when you get back, if you come back.
Set clear boundaries. Say no to things! Promise yourself that you’ll only go to half as many social events in the new year and that you will only host twice a month — not twice a week — during the regular part of the year. Your friends can take turns hosting, even if they aren’t as good a cook or put the knife the wrong direction when they set the table. Commit to self-care and refreshment time, just like you did last year.
Engage in sloth. Now that every technology company has decided that they also need a streaming service and to be content creators, the possibilities are endless. Got cable? IDGo has almost every episode of every Investigation Discovery show ever on-demand whether you’re looking for A Crime to Remember, need a reason to Fear Thy Neighbor, or went to high school with Twisted Sisters. Escape reality with a stalker on You or get something wholesome with anything on CBS All Access. Unplug from the world while being fully plugged in to some alternative universe. It probably makes more sense than this one, and no one is coming over. Get some GrubHub and have dinner and a movie (or TV marathon) at home.
Look at the calendar. Ash Wednesday is February 26, so you’ve only got almost two months to figure out what you’ll be taking to the “light” Lenten Soup Supper potlucks. Although you aren’t hosting you do have a reputation to uphold. Whether InstantPot, stovetop, or slow cooker, there are standards for what you take to church. Better put some ideas for your soups down now. Better send a Doodle poll to your small group, too, to see what night of the week is the best to come over as Lenten accountabilibuddies.
Start the Easter 2020 spreadsheet. He’s just been baptized, but before you know it Christ will be risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and to those in the tombs bestowing life. How are you going to bestow life on your clergy friends who have been so busy if your Feast of Appetizers isn’t planned down to the minute, the temperature, and the stove eye?
