YOUTH MINISTRY AS AUTHENTIC COMMUNITY
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When I was in college, one of my religion classes required me to visit multiple parachurch religious groups, reflect on my experience, and then respond in writing. (To clarify, parachurch is a term used for a variety of organizations but for the purpose of this article, parachurches are ministry organizations that work outside of the ecumenical community.) While observing, we were directed to take note about the mission of these organizations, how they evangelized, and how they built leadership and community. Because one of these visits took place on another college campus, we had to get permission to visit and, of course, we were welcomed with open arms. The half dozen of us entered the auditorium and sat in the back as if we were anthropologists objectively witnessing this particular group in its natural habitat. It was the beginning of the school year so this was a general assembly inviting new students to come as see what this group was about. (I later learned that they exchanged information for a Chick-fil-A sandwich). They had music playing as everyone entered, plenty of enthusiasm, and a sweet slide show. What caught my eye during the entire meeting were the leaders—they were all extremely good looking, athletic, and well groomed.
Because we had to contact the organization ahead of time, they were well aware of our presence and we were asked to stay behind to ask any questions we may have. What it turned out to be was another recruitment meeting…for us! After the local students had left, we were invited to come down and sit in the front row and before we were invited to ask any questions, one of the leaders shared interest in us starting a chapter of their ministry on our campus. While the subject remained within the realm of recruitment, some of us quickly changed our rhetoric to sound interested in order to present the questions we were tasked to ask. After all, if we didn’t get what we needed, then the entire trip would have been in vain. Thinking that we may be the ones who might be responsible for expanding their ministry (we were never interested), we started to see what was behind the curtain and the conversation grew more candid. Throughout all the strangeness of that night, there was a moment that has stuck with me for twenty years when I asked the leaders their model for recruitment. One of the leaders shared with me that they look for the “popular” kids. I wasn’t sure what they meant by this. After all, I thought that graduating from high school and entering into the world of higher education got rid of such archaic social hierarchy. I must have looked puzzled because he continued before I could respond. “You know, the jocks, the good looking kids.” (Picked that one up already). “The ones whom everyone would want to hang with.”
Really? This was their model? Keep in mind that while this model seemed to work at its surface, what was interesting is that there was no mention of God or Christ in any of this.
This moment was such a watershed moment for me that it would affect how I approach youth ministry for years to come. Before I share my response, the caveat that I need to express is that this model is not specific to parachurch ministries. There are so many ecumenical youth ministries that use this model, and talking with other youth ministers over the years, I have realized that, in many cases, sometimes they don’t even know they are doing it. It seems like an effective model, right? After all, it was the popular table in the cafeteria that was the dreamed destination of many and if anyone from that table were to invite someone to sit with them, who would say no?
Take this idea and inject it into evangelism—if you create the popular table within a ministerial context and then train those at said table to invite everyone, then the church would be huge! The whole room becomes the popular table. Said and done, right? But did anyone consider that in order to be popular, there are those who cannot be? Popularity and value in this model are intertwined is such a way that creates limitations to value. It creates an idea that value is achieved by being a part of the right people. Sound familiar? This model is exactly the thing that the story of Job battled; it is what the entire book of Ecclesiastes fought against; and of course, it is the antithesis of the Gospel.
For the past two decades, I have experienced many different dynamics of youth group but, for the past seven years, our group has begun to be taken over by the “fringe” kids. When I started at my current church, I had the opportunity to start from scratch. As I was discerning what the purpose or mission of youth ministry would be, I had the privilege of speaking at an Alcoholics Anonymous group and as I witnessed this group gather to express brokenness, celebrate achievements, and share themselves at a table with food and drink, it occurred to me, “Is this not how the church started? People gathering for the same purposes at a table?” I witnessed the most honest group of people who were invited to come as they were with no concern of judgement or prejudice and their value was assumed. This experience transformed me.
Looking at the popular model, even when the “outsiders” are invited, there is still work to be done. While they may have been invited by the popular to attend, there remains pressure to show them why they were invited in the first place and why they should continue to be invited. At an AA meeting, there is none of that. These folks enter into a sacred space shedding themselves of the expectations of the world, understanding that even when they fall, their community has their back. This, my friends, is how we should build youth ministry.
We must create a community that encourages all youth to be who God created them to be without worry of prejudice but rather acceptance and love. When you create a community like this, those who immediately buy into this idea are those who want to participate in a group that welcomes them for who they are. One would think that everyone would want this but the truth is that this is not how most of the world looks. Many truly believe that their value is based on their success: the right college, the best grades, the good job. But this other way of being community suggests that value is inherited. What if we begin community understanding that there is value in all? So who are the youth who jump into this way of thinking? It is the disenfranchised, the fringe, those youth who see laws being created solely to hurt them. These youth are where they are because they understand who they are and that they have not adhered to the demands of a popularity-driven economy.
When my church started using this model, the results went even further than I had imagined. A few years ago, I had a youth who was very career driven, popular, and athletic share with me how stressed she was. At the end of our conversation, I of course invited her to come to a small group. A few days had passed and our regular youth gathered and when this particular young person entered, I tried to see our group from her perspective—here was a kid who was definitely at the popular table at the local high school who entered in a room with kids who dressed unconventionally, who included their pronouns when they introduced themselves, and who talked about Dungeons and Dragons way too much—I’m sure it was very strange for her. We conducted our group in the same fashion—having a meal together while sharing our concerns and celebrations (just like AA). At the end of our time, I had asked this person to stay back as I was curious about her impression. Assuming she couldn’t get over the strange dynamic, I figured she would be kind, but expected it to be the last time I would see her. But her response shocked me. She broke down and cried as she explained that it was the first time she felt the weight of demands and exceptions shed from her shoulders and then, because she could finally just “be”, she had witnessed the Spirit move in her while participating in this group. She continued to come, sometimes bringing a friend, and became a part of a group she would have never expected to love.
What we can learn from this is that attraction models work, but the attraction should not be the need to be invited by the “right” people. The attraction should be a community who understands that all have value inherited by God at creation that came to fruition through the life, death and resurrection of Christ. Kids who are on the outskirts of their micro-societies are there because they are being who they are and not attempting to be anyone else, and when we create a community that invites all, these unique kids can create something that may even be attractive to the most “popular.” Earnestness, honesty and love should be central to community. And if youth ministry is to be the church for younger people, then it must begin with those who can teach the rest to be the image of God rather than the image of success. Christ used this model when he invited the sinners and tax collectors, spent time with the diseased, and expressed that servitude is virtuous. The powerful in Christ’s time are not the ones who transformed the world.
What would the church look like if it focused on those who society has pushed away? What would the church look like if it invited those who have no community? What would the church look like if rather than attempting to use government to retain the status quo of injustice, she opened her doors and said all are welcome? What if we used the language of “welcome,” we meant more than being able to walk through the front door, but rather an invitation participate fully in a community that has learned to understand the other, because the other still belongs to Christ?
