I was on the phone with my mom as I packed my suitcase for Rooted in Jesus, the experimental Episcopalooza of a conference in Atlanta this week (hailed by some as the #EpiscopalFyreFest during the social media buzz leading up to the event.) My mom and I talked about the South being warm (Lies! I’m freezing my bottom off right now!), how I’ve chosen to pack neither clergy collar nor bra, and most importantly, the extra backpack I crammed into my suitcase. Yes, my friends, I brought a bag for all the swag I anticipated picking up. Those of you who know anything about conferences—especially church conferences—know that the best thing is the swag...after the workshops and the networking, of course.

I’m a sucker for freebies—the kind of person who cries during commercials—and nothing gets me as giddy as branded give-aways, especially at such a well-curated gathering as Rooted in Jesus. And let me tell you, the giveaways here do not disappoint. 

I exercised what I consider great restraint in getting all the way back to my AirBnB before tearing into the classy canvas bag that was handed to me at registration. (Thank you, Bill Campbell and friends, for steering clear of bright ugly colors—neutral is the new neon, y’all.) I dug greedily through the requisite flyers (including bilingual resources! Hallelujah!) to get right to the swag. 

Y’all. The swag. Is. On. Point. 

Here’s the rundown thus far—so get excited!

Did you know? We’re hip 21st century Christians! Cell phone accessories of all types from Forma and Saint Francis Ministries acknowledge our conversion from flip phones to smartphones. Keep your screen clean, your credit cards close, and your free advertisements closer! 

The Episcopal Church Foundation is earnestly trying to keep us all healthy (and Church Insurance costs down) by including ibuprofen, Emergen-C, and healthy (and not-so-healthy) snacks. I can’t wait to see what the message in my Dove chocolate is! The ECF swag is in a super cute pouch, which means yes, it’s a swag bag in a swag bag. #goals #winning #swagception 

Many groups are helping us cope with the anxieties of the Real World and Today’s Church by including a stress ball and some fun sparkly squeeze-gel from Virginia Theological Seminary (which you can both freeze or heat up to deal with all manner of sore muscles.) Thursday’s “Evangelism for Shy People” workshop (presented by the Bishop-elect of Georgia, Frank Logue) + hot/cold squeezy gel = #empoweredevangelis

The biggest quandary of my day so far is where to plaster my Illustrated Ministry sticker of #blackJesus declaring that “You Are Loved.” Without a question, it’s my favorite of the swag bag items! All my Snapchat friends and Instagram followers are already asking where they can get one. 

Lest we forget the reason for the season, a simple wooden cross on a cord from Worldwide Journeys is enough to ground me during the chaos and the hubbub of church conference networking. 

My preliminary wandering around the pre-conference exhibit hall didn’t fail to trigger my swag-spidey-senses, either. In my ten-minute perusal between workshops, I snagged some sweet sunglasses from Membership Vision, pins from the Episcopal Service Corps and the Department of Faith Formation, chapstick from the Seminary of the Southwest, a cell phone charger from Bexley Seabury Seminary, and both a carabiner and can koozie from Kanuga Camp and Conference Center. I also hear rumors that the Evangelism Matters folks have tea towels with the Presiding Bishop’s face on them. 

At the end of the day, Earth & Altar tops the pack with stickers, tank tops, hoodies, and totes (something for the whole family!) (Editor’s Note: Canon Sutterisch was not paid for this endorsement.) The frigid South be darned, it’s totally going to be a #tanktopThursday tomorrow! 

Workshop content aside, the swag at #Rooted2020 is definitely worth the ironic cold of Hotlanta. And if you’re really that cold, pop your VTS gel pack in the microwave for 15 seconds and it will keep you warm!